Thursday, October 24, 2013


I was thinking about detoxing...

The idea came to me on Monday, as I felt toxic love leave my body like a white dove with pink sparkly wings... It was magical, it was freeing. :)

I WANT TO DO THAT WITH ALL TOXINS! I am going to rid my body of toxins we as humans are exposed to on a daily basis, just as a result of living in an industrialized country.

How do you detox???

I don't really know. However, I am determined to find out how to do it for myself.

I am going to start by eating non-allergenic foods and foods with  more vitamins, drink more water. Basically, nourishing my body rather than just eating for eating's sake... Thinking about food as a medicine and researching it. It is going to be hard to give up dark chocolate with sea salt and chocolate ice cream with yummy cones. Here is the link to one of the friendliest (easier to read) basics.

Also, because I have decided 


(click on link to find out why...)

I am using Zeoforce by Healthforce. This stuff has a negative charge that attaches to toxins. I believe that because I am a very sensitive person, when I took this stuff the first time, I felt it go through my body! It was weird! You may or may not believe me, but I believe me!

Anyway, if you want to research the brand yourself:

On that website, you can find how to detox as well. I would seriously read up on when is best (with a meal, without a meal, how long before or after, etc.) and with what combination for best results you should take some of these elements. I found out when taking charcoal to absorb poisons, that you don't actually want to do that for no reason... as some people do. It prevents other nutrients from being absorbed. Anyway, read up! Do some research if you are interested in detoxing :) 


Good riddance! (Pun intended.)

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Broken... up?

"WARNING: MEN, STAY AWAY" should be the sign I walk around with on my forehead.

I had a "boyfriend" from the age of 15 to about 4 months ago. I am 26. My first boyfriend I loved like he was my world. My second boyfriend I loved like he was my world. My third boyfriend I loved like he was my world. Not much time or space elapse between any of my relationships, at least not enough for me to know what it meant to be alone or what it meant to be "broken up." So, this last time when it happened and I didn't jump right into another relationship...

I was left with--

WHAT THE F* is a break up?

Well, I discovered doubling up on socks is important. That will solve one of my problems. I also learned a lot about what being alone is not: IT IS DEFINITELY NOT DATING.

Immediately after my break up, I TRIED to find a substitute, a replacement, a someone. Theoretically, this wasn't hard. I was working as a hostess at this restaurant in the Mission of San Francisco. The running joke among the bus boys was that they could start a successful charity fund if they bet on my getting asked out or hit on at work. My boss once said it was a good thing to have me at the door. At first this was flattering and somewhat good for me, as I have always had an unrealistic self-image. So, I was giving my number to more guys than I could keep track of on my phone. Some of which were entered as "musician Mike" or "blonde mohawk dude." Those entries can get complicated.

In defense of myself, I never actually dated or responded to ALL of these guys except for one or two, or three I was actually interested in. For example, there was this boy from England I met and immediately was drawn to. I was curious about him and I still find him intriguing as I have to look up at least one word every time he e-mails me. Sometimes I wonder if he is an app on my phone. This is possible and interesting in itself. It is also exciting to be acquainted with someone on the other side of the world who also knows more vegetarians than christians. I have come to appreciate his friendship and I truly hope he is not just an app on my phone. (I would really need therapy.) However, we are both a safe distance from each other nonetheless. ha ha.

Then, there was this other boy who was so nice. He was my first "real date" ever. I had never been on a grown up date until him. Other than my crying for two hours up until about a half an hour before I was meeting him, it was pleasant, it was sweet, it was all the things you want a date to be. I went on a few of these "dates" with him until I realized he liked me... and I loved my ex... soooo that was going nowhere quickly. Even so, I STILL DATED. I met another boy in the Marina one day as I was walking around with my friend Angelica. He said something stupid and I must like being told stupid things, because the next thing I know I am hanging out with him (and crying every time I leave because he is NOT MY BOYFRIEND.)

The last date I went on was with this boy from Sweden... He broke me with this, "You seem really happy. Is there anything you would say is missing from your life?" He might as well have taken a saw to my heart. The first thing that came to my mind was a clear picture of me, my ex, and his family all laughing at the beach. I swallowed my yummy chowder, smiled and said, "No. I love my life." Because I do. I do love my life, but there IS something missing. That is what I have discovered being broken up is. It's the "something missing." The catch is that you wont find what is missing in other people. What's missing is gone. His family, the comfort I found in then is gone. Like a cozy sweater you WONT find again because you lost it.

What do you do when you lose a cozy sweater? Well, first you have to accept it's gone and someone else might wear it. If you are nice, you hope it keeps them warm. If you are hurt, you hope it doesn't fit or it falls to pieces. Then, you find other ways to get warm. Start a fire, wear your other sweaters, etc.  I guess you could buy a new one. But, it still might not fit right... or may not be the same material... or the right color... so you have to be ready for that... I'm not. At least not yet. So, clearly, I need a sign on my head. :)

& I discovered I am my world ❤️

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


God is life, and love, and if you believe in life, you believe in love. Love is the unexplainable spark...? Or something like that. I'm thinking this through...

I don't know if any of you believe in God. I grew up in a household that did. I grew up in a household that believed in prophesy, spoke tongues on occasion, and worshiped God through reading the Bible every single day. In my childhood, I don't remember not talking to God a single day. I still talk to God everyday, although it looks different. I do it when I step outside and enjoy life and love to the best of my abilities. However, my perspective has changed. I do wholeheartedly still believe, believe more at a logical level, that there is a God. I believe that there has to be a force that has been communicating with us always. But, not in the way that religions are explaining. Science explains it better. The fact that ice will melt every time proves this to me. Furthermore, the fact that all children are born inexplicably exuding love, that they have an inexplicable ability to extract love, is enough proof for me that life is love. There are unexplained laws that govern life. All we know about these laws is that they exists because they do, and for their own survival. These laws create systems that govern life, or our existence. Life's systems driven by laws are held together by codes, chemical reactions,  etc. Not that I know much about science, except that I do know that I see life written all over. Science proves that there is life. Life is a reality. We are becoming too disconnected from the fact that we are actually alive... and there are things around us that share that SAME QUALITY. We are the only planet we know of that has this beautiful gift. Because of this gift of life, and because of those systems' need to survive, our brains have created a mind. Because of our minds, we are able to experience love. I found this interesting article that helped me understand this. It is about the mind and brain (click on link) and I posted it yesterday but here it is again.

It was super interesting because I think intelligence is one of the wonders of life. Anyway, we are alive and we have been blessed with the ability to love and think- why aren't we celebrating that? Seriously. Deadlines are deadlines. The world is NOT going to end if I don't meet my deadline. I wish everyone was just a little more relaxed about life. Life is beautiful and we only have so much time in it. So, I want to live in a relaxed, joyful, compassionate, and graceful manner. (Dear Society...)

Life, love, or if you will, God has to have been trying to communicate with us, and there are chances that people misinterpreted the messages or interpreted them for their time and context and we are misinterpreting. I DON'T KNOW. I PERSONALLY DON'T CARE. If I think about it, and read into the messages of most religions, the only thing that most religions have in common is love... rules all vary... but if loving is so important to life... I'm confused as to why we are not all just doing that? It is what FEELS right, is it not? Isn't it what we are all craving and looking for? and hoping for? That is why in China, in Huangshan (Yellow Mountain), people placed these locks of love- in hopes that they would be "in love" forever. My ex-boyfriend took this picture. Obviously, we didn't leave one. (I wish we had. Maybe they work.)

I'm just scientifically analyzing statistical and empirical data on the phenomena of love. I guess where it gets tricky and why we, as humans, have not been successful in loving one another is that everyone has their own idea of how to live and love. We are ALL proving this to be true because we can't just get along, even though our survival as a race depends on it. This is quite comical and obviously Shakespear had a sense of humor about trying to understanding love. 

Love is a whole other science I don't think anyone is looking at, and I don't know if I can take that kind of research on. haha. 

Don't pay any attention to me, maybe I don't know anything! I am just thinking out loud...

Monday, October 14, 2013

Fascinating article.

This article (click on link) has NOTHING to do with Yoda except for I think Yoda might know the answer to the question philosophers like Plato, Socrates, and Aritotle have been struggling with for ever.

Sugar, sugar, everywhere!

What do you do when there is sugar, all around you, constantly, like a plague?

My personal answer to that is that you eat it, within reason. In reason for me, is one treat a day. I need to have some sort of treat at the end of the day. Obviously, I don't have a donut a day... I do occasionally eat an apple fritter (I was just introduced to a new kind of donut that is so dense I could die happy just smelling it. It's kinda like an old fashioned, but bigger and denser, fattier, and definitely 10 times more delish. but I don't know the name... butter ball?) Anyway, for the most part, a treat for me is a fourth of a giant dark chocolate bar with sea salt and maybe some sort of nut or an ice cream made real with fatty cream, probably chocolate as well. However, all in MODERATION. We hear that word so often...

Just take a few bites, then put it down. You'll see that you will be satisfied! Or if that is not the case, like it is for me sometimes, give it to someone else! Food should mostly be about nourishing your body. When your body is well nourished, you crave less things. At least that is true for me. I am less hungry when I am eating more healthy fats, proteins, and vegetables than when I am chowing down on granola bars, croissants, bread, etc.

In my opinion, if you are eating something with more than 10-15 grams of sugar, then you are already having your treat! I ask myself this question: Does this have anything else that outweighs the sugar content? Fiber? Vitamins? Please watch the you-tube video I posted for that girl I worried about on Friday who had no dressing on her salad (no fat?) if you want to know why sugar is NOT good for you.
Here it is!

The amount of sugar I had this week-end totaled over 100 grahams, I am sure, and I cannot believe that sweets are all that are the most readily available when you are on a trip! It was SERIOUSLY hard to eat healthy. Even while at a farm! (I just had to have their waffles...Omg. Yumm...) I should have brought my own food, like I usually do. That strategy really does work for me. If you struggle with will power as I do, then it might work for you too.

Now that I am home, I can have the usual super foods (that is all I have available for myself), thank goodness! :)

With the healthy fats from the avocado helping to absorb the wonderful lycopene in the tomatoes- I should be on a good start to cleanse my body of icky sticky overly processed foods.

Heirloom tomatoes.
nutritional benefits
nutritional benefits
Pumpkin Seeds.
Flax. Obvious, more fiber!

Drizzled with Balsamic and Olive Oil. It was yummy!! Usually, all of this goes in with some cucumbers, finely chopped onions, and POWER GREENS. However, Im out of everything else so consequently I discovered a new recipe!

Anyway... I was thinking about food.

Click on the links I found below!

Vitamin packed foods :)

If you need a detox... like me!


Sunday, October 13, 2013

There is wonder in nature (cheesy but true!)

Why is it that these days the leaves just fall right past us and we don't bother to look up at the trees and feel the wind as it makes the leaves float to the ground? Have we forgotten to wonder about nature? Is life too busy? How has our being “busy” shaped the way we see the natural world? If we as adults think those moments are trivial… are we passing on, or forcing, that perspective onto our children?

I started wondering about this one day last year when I was at a vineyard with a 2 year girl named Ella. We were walking down a path and I thought about what she was experiencing right then, right there, in that moment. We were watching some leaves dance right by our heads as I held her in my arms. I asked Ella what she heard, because she had such a pensive look on her face. I was just watching her, thinking about the fact that I had to get things done "tomorrow" because I had played hookie to hang out with my boyfriend and his family. However, the look on her face made me curious. She said, “wind.” A light bulb went off in my head. Of course that’s what she hears! We don’t hear it. We hear our minds going a million miles per hour, thinking about bills, about the dirty dishes, about how mean the lady at the grocery store was. We forget to listen and experience what is happening moment by moment.  So, I stopped to experience the moment too. I think it is funny how I have to use the words ‘stopped to experience’ that moment, because, why wasn’t I just “in the moment” to begin with?

Why do we carry around an agenda in our mind with all the things we need to do for the day? For the week? Furthermore, if you are crazy busy like me, for the whole month and maybe even next month? In that moment with Ella, when I let go of my mind’s agenda, I was able to listen to the wind, and it was amazing. It was peaceful, it was grounding, and it reminded me that I take moments like that for granted.  It was one of the best learning experiences I had that summer. I forever carry that moment with me in my heart. 

I wonder how can we cultivate that for the next generation? I want to continue to rekindle wonder in myself as an educator in order to cultivate it in the children that I work with, but most importantly, I want to continue rekindling that wonder in myself as a human so that I can live life in all it's beauty.

Friday, October 11, 2013

No date? Good. No dressing? What?

This comes with a back story...

I have been insanely agreeing to go on more dates than I have time for. I think my co-workers are worried about me. Mostly because I don't even enjoy dating. They ask me how it went and I go on for 500000 minutes on how the guy was not my ex-boyfriend. Seriously, "He wanted me to eat processed food! How dare he? Yuck. He's out." Obviously, I'm a little crazy or I am still in love, maybe both. The verdict is still out on that one. I'm glad they bare with me and are gracious. I have been getting better... I still agree, but I don't show up. Umm... that can get awkward when you run into them at Java Beach and they clearly hate you.


I tried having a date with myself today. Has anyone ever thought about how much healthier it is to not date? You can order a salad and skip the wine and bread. When you are on a date, you get the drink before dinner right? Then you want the wine with dinner. By then, you want the bread, and then most men order tons of meat so you have that too. Then, you also want the dessert!!! (Maybe that's just me?) It's all bad news. All of it. That is what made today so much better. Today I wanted a Spicy Tuna Salad from Blue Barn like I always do, then I wanted a few fries so I ordered those too. However, I only ate like 3... I indulge but I don't splurge. It would have come in handy to have a man around to eat the fries. Because I will never not want dessert, I HAD TO HAVE THEIR CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER RICE CRISPY! Heaven. Again, I only took two bites and handed it off to the homeless man who hangs on Chestnut Street. I should have given him the fries. He would have been a good man to share them with.

Because I was alone, and people are interesting...


I watched a girl talk about how she was not going to put the salad dressing in her salad because it had too much fat. She took two bites of her salad and then she proceeded to eat the WHOLE Rice Crispy Treat. What? I'm so confused. 

I want to share this link with her:

Thursday, October 10, 2013


As I was researching children's ability or acquiring ability to regulate sensory input (touch, smell, sound, movement, space, etc.) I discovered this blog... I love it and recommend it for mothers and teachers. Children's sensory processing is fascinating! How can they handle all that new information coming in? How come we expect them to keep it together all the time! That's absolutely a rhetorical question. This blog offers some fun, great ways to channel some of children's tactile sensory seeking behaviors. We can learn to embrace children's weirdness by recognizing that they are in the process of coming into awareness of how much there is to know- to touch, to taste, to hear, to smell, how much space there is to move, how capable we are of moving, and how other people react to how we chose to handle that information.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

What am I thinking about? Post #2!

I am thinking about the fact that I am 26 years old. What does that mean? What am I supposed to be doing? What am I supposed to know? How come there is no book for this? 

Basically, I am thinking about what it means to navigate time  and space in San Francisco, as a 26 year old...

I'll start with what I have learned in life so far:

People, nature, food, pictures, words, and exercise are important to me... in that order. Those are the pieces that make me who I am, and I like learning and talking about them. I am convinced I'm living in the perfect place for me, for now.

To love is my favorite thing in the world to do. That's why I am a teacher. Children teach me about love, because they are full of it. They give it to me everyday. I find it fascinating that no child is incapable of loving. Why do we lose it? What happens to grown ups?

I have learned that there is nothing that whips you into better shape than a painful break up. On that note: squats and v-ups are magical. Finding muscle pain over heart ache is key!

I celebrate the interconnectedness of the elements on this earth. Human beings are always trying to reach for the top by pushing, shoving, cheating, etc. but... I think a lot of people are confused. Life's not a pyramid. It's a circle. 

I learned today that I need to loosen up! This is actually a pretty funny story--

I met a guy for coffee (I know... I don't learn) and when he got too close I cringed (he was from the marina... need I say more?) He told me to loosen up. When he went to the bathroom, I took his advise and I left to have a loosening up day. I went for a run at Crissy Field while I listened to ghetto rap. There is nothing more relaxing than listening to Tyga's "Get Loose" while running by the Golden Gate Bridge. Then, I was thinking about the color pink. I thought I should have it on my nails so I went to get my nails done. I needed to relax, right? I found the perfect O.P.I, Mod About You, in case anyone is wondering. It is a soft pink... I heard pink is a relaxing color. Then as I walked back to my car on Lombard and Steiner, I saw a sign that read, "$49 dollars for 1 hour Thai massage!" I thought,"I have heard about Thai massages. Why not?" My ex boyfriend's sister used to talk about them. I remembered "pain" being mentioned, however, I guess I hadn't paid close enough attention. I walked in and I saw bars on the ceiling. I was immediately scared. I thought, "What? Am I going to be hanging from there?" Then the nice, small, asian man came out. He didn't seem so bad, so I stayed. I figured hanging is part of the technique. The first two minutes of my message, I realized the guy I met for coffee was right... I needed to loosen up. My masseus' laughter at my pain and his constant, "Oh yeah, here is another knot." confirms that.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Why think out loud?

As Dr. Seuss has been credited for saying, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

By no means did I coin the term to "think out loud"... that is a collection of words I have been hearing my father say my whole life and the phrase my boss uses repeatedly to illustrate transparency in educational settings.

Probably because of my father, I love to experience other people's perspectives through the myriad of modalities humans choose to express themselves.

I believe that our exponentially growing human intelligence and our ability to evolve is contingent on our continual expression of thoughts and feelings through a variety of languages-- the written word, or the sound of music, or the variation of color and design. The more perspectives humans encounter, the more connected we are to what I believe is the purpose of our human experience-- to live/to love. Those words are synonyms... in case you didn't know. (I think I'm right about this one.)

So, what do I know? Not very much. All I know is that years from now, when I'm older and wiser, I want to know what in the world I was thinking...

I love words and pictures. Pictures weave words together in my mind and are the modalities with which I chose to express myself. This blog is the act of thinking out loud and sharing my evolving perspective and experience. My words and pictures are for me, and if you enjoy them... great! If not, move along... :)